Why worry?

I had a bit of a light bulb moment today while in therapy and I just had to share.  (Keep in mind that most of the nuggets of wisdom in this post are from my incredible therapist...I can't take full credit, haha)

Do you worry?  I do.  But why?  Does it help me? No.  Does it make me smarter or happier or prettier or faster or anything positive....?  NO.

Tonight I realized how much I worry impacts my life and my joy.  I am not a perfect person, shocking I know. ;)  I have quite a few struggles like trusting people, comparison, confidence, anxiety, etc. And you know what I realized....worry is one of the main underlying causes of all of these....say what?!!

For example, I don't trust people enough because I worry they will hurt me or not do something correctly or let me down, etc. Or I have less confidence in myself because I worry about what others are thinking of me or that I can't do everything perfectly, etc.  Are you picking up what I am putting down?!  They are all linked to worry.

So what is worry?  Here are some non-Webster definitions: jumping into the future, thinking of anything with fear, etc.

How to not worry: live in the PRESENT!  Oh my, that sounds so simple, but why is it so difficult?
I am going to try, yes try, to live with the unknown instead of filling it with worries. Who wants to join me? ; )

This was one thing my therapist shared that I thought was so interesting: worrying distracts us from solving problems in the present.   So true!  I wonder how much better I would be at my job, how much more I would enjoy each day, my family, my friends, really everything if I worried less.  Okay, I am going to be a little bit prideful for a moment...but I am smart, pretty darn smart in fact. :)  I was thinking, hey if I am this smart when I worry how much smarter will I be if I worry less?!  Think about it, worrying uses so much of my energy and probably my brain and it adds nothing valuable to my life.  Sounds like it is time to try to win the nobel prize....haha, just kidding, maybe ;)

Seriously though, there is so much freedom in not worrying!  Now, I am not saying that you shouldn't be proactive and plan for the future, etc, there is always a time and place for that.  But when you plan out of fear and it consumes you, then it is not so helpful or healthy....I am speaking to myself here, not pointing fingers, just to clarify. :)

Okay, for all you accountants/business people, let's think about it from a cost benefit analysis perspective.  If you put a fake business plan in front of someone that had the characteristics of worry, ie all cost and no benefit to your company...literally NO ONE would choose that business plan.  I find it interesting to look at it through that lens. :)

I also love the fact that I really do not have to worry because God has an amazing plan for my life.  I am not promised a life without bumps in the road, but isn't it during those bumps and challenges that I learn the most?  It is, but trusting in those moments is difficult.  Some of my favorite verses relating to worry are: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew Ch 6) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7) and "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)

I will end with one of my favorite songs "Let it Go"
So much of worry is about control.  I worry a lot when I am trying to control things that are not in my control and things I really shouldn't be trying to control.  So sometimes you just have to sing along, and "let it go!"

Just some thoughts that I was excited to share because I had a mini light bulb.  I hope you got a nugget from it or at least a laugh out of it. ; )

-Kammers :)

Comparison

I have not blogged in a LONG time, but I remember that I liked being able to express myself through my blogs, so here goes take two!  By the way, if you are looking for my previous posts you will not find them...they are in the past and will probably stay there. :)


Comparison...the quality of being similar or equivalent.

We compare a lot!!! Cars, houses, hotel fees, people, food, how many Facebook "likes" our pictures received, sports teams, etc....needless to say we compare most things in our lives.  Now I am in no way saying that comparison is all bad, but it can be quite dangerous.  Let me explain.

When I was doing ministry at Sacramento State, I was given the opportunity to speak at one of our weekly meetings.  I remember bits and pieces of the talk I gave on Galatians 6:1-5, but one thing that is still ingrained in my mind is...."when you compare you always lose."  Think about it.  If you are comparing what you are wearing with what someone else is wearing it will go one of two ways.  One way is that you think she is wearing a cuter outfit than you, i.e. we put her up higher than ourselves.  This can result in lower self-confidence and the oh too familiar pity party.  The other way is that you think you look so much cuter than her, i.e. we put ourselves higher than her.  This can result in pride, hubris, machoism, etc.

Now you might be thinking, well Kami that is a superficial example.  And to that I say, yes it is, but I know I have done it before and so have you.  And it was an easy illustration. :)  You also might be thinking, well there is a third outcome...if you think that both of your outfits are equally great.  Touche...but really how often does that happen? And it kind of ruins my example, so for the sake of this analogy I am going to pretend that isn't an option.  My blog, my rules ;)


SO even though I gave this great talk to some amazing college kids, I still struggle with comparison.  Why is that?  Is it because I am overly analytic and probably my harshest critic? Is it because all of our social media websites constantly portray the very best parts of peoples' lives, but rarely show the "I just got dumped and just ate my wait in ice-cream" moments? Or is it because I am so insecure and also competitive?  Or????  Honestly, I think it is a combination of all of these factors and many more.

But what do we do about it?

I have been so fortunate to have some amazing people in my life who continue to teach and grow me in this area.  Some of them probably don't even realize the amazing influence that they have on me.  I so appreciate them.  :)

Here are some of the things I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that have helped me to compare less:

• Being grateful!
• We have a "grateful jar" at work and I have one at home.  It is pretty simple, but when you are actively looking for things in your life that you are grateful for it is a lot harder to spend time comparing yourself to others.  It helps me shift and always look for the positive and something to be grateful for in each day.

• Celebrating others' successes.
• This has been a challenging one for me.  To be completely honest, when others would be celebrated or achieve something great my first emotion was jealousy or frustration that I was not having their same success.  As I type that, I realize how horrible that sounds, but hey I am being honest with y'all.  
• I don't have this down perfectly, but I can definitely say that I have improved!  Now I am able to celebrate WITH people and realize that their achievements do not take anything away from me or my happiness, but in fact they ADD to it. :)
• I try to think of it as collaborating on all of our strengths and successes instead of competing and constantly trying to "one up" each other.
• It is so much less stressful this way and so fun to encourage and celebrate each other!!

• Knowing that no one can take my identity away.
• Okay, maybe someone can technically steal my identity...haha ;)  But I am talking about my identity as a daughter of the King.
• There is absolutely nothing that I can do to make my God love me any more or any less than He does right in this very moment.  This beautiful promise continues to blow my mind!

• And I also cling to Psalm 139.  
• It says that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made."  Dang right I am!!  And so are YOU!!  
• And how much would it break your heart to see something that you wonderfully made compare itself to something else?  Sometimes it helps me to stop comparing when I think about God's perspective and how He made me uniquely me.  And also that He has a wonderful plan for MY life.  So stinking amazing!!!

Well, these are some of my thoughts on comparison.  I by no means have this all figured out, but all of this has been swirling in my mind these past few weeks and it really helps me to clear it all up by typing it out.

I hope you enjoyed reading!  Now go compare my blog to someone else's and tell me which is better....JUST KIDDING!  Haha :) 

-Kam :)