Comparison...the quality of being similar or equivalent.
We compare a lot!!! Cars, houses, hotel fees, people, food, how many Facebook "likes" our pictures received, sports teams, etc....needless to say we compare most things in our lives. Now I am in no way saying that comparison is all bad, but it can be quite dangerous. Let me explain.
When I was doing ministry at Sacramento State, I was given the opportunity to speak at one of our weekly meetings. I remember bits and pieces of the talk I gave on Galatians 6:1-5, but one thing that is still ingrained in my mind is...."when you compare you always lose." Think about it. If you are comparing what you are wearing with what someone else is wearing it will go one of two ways. One way is that you think she is wearing a cuter outfit than you, i.e. we put her up higher than ourselves. This can result in lower self-confidence and the oh too familiar pity party. The other way is that you think you look so much cuter than her, i.e. we put ourselves higher than her. This can result in pride, hubris, machoism, etc.
Now you might be thinking, well Kami that is a superficial example. And to that I say, yes it is, but I know I have done it before and so have you. And it was an easy illustration. :) You also might be thinking, well there is a third outcome...if you think that both of your outfits are equally great. Touche...but really how often does that happen? And it kind of ruins my example, so for the sake of this analogy I am going to pretend that isn't an option. My blog, my rules ;)
SO even though I gave this great talk to some amazing college kids, I still struggle with comparison. Why is that? Is it because I am overly analytic and probably my harshest critic? Is it because all of our social media websites constantly portray the very best parts of peoples' lives, but rarely show the "I just got dumped and just ate my wait in ice-cream" moments? Or is it because I am so insecure and also competitive? Or???? Honestly, I think it is a combination of all of these factors and many more.
But what do we do about it?
I have been so fortunate to have some amazing people in my life who continue to teach and grow me in this area. Some of them probably don't even realize the amazing influence that they have on me. I so appreciate them. :)
Here are some of the things I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that have helped me to compare less:
- Being grateful!
- We have a "grateful jar" at work and I have one at home. It is pretty simple, but when you are actively looking for things in your life that you are grateful for it is a lot harder to spend time comparing yourself to others. It helps me shift and always look for the positive and something to be grateful for in each day.
- Celebrating others' successes.
- This has been a challenging one for me. To be completely honest, when others would be celebrated or achieve something great my first emotion was jealousy or frustration that I was not having their same success. As I type that, I realize how horrible that sounds, but hey I am being honest with y'all.
- I don't have this down perfectly, but I can definitely say that I have improved! Now I am able to celebrate WITH people and realize that their achievements do not take anything away from me or my happiness, but in fact they ADD to it. :)
- I try to think of it as collaborating on all of our strengths and successes instead of competing and constantly trying to "one up" each other.
- It is so much less stressful this way and so fun to encourage and celebrate each other!!
- Knowing that no one can take my identity away.
- Okay, maybe someone can technically steal my identity...haha ;) But I am talking about my identity as a daughter of the King.
- There is absolutely nothing that I can do to make my God love me any more or any less than He does right in this very moment. This beautiful promise continues to blow my mind!
- And I also cling to Psalm 139.
- It says that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made." Dang right I am!! And so are YOU!!
- And how much would it break your heart to see something that you wonderfully made compare itself to something else? Sometimes it helps me to stop comparing when I think about God's perspective and how He made me uniquely me. And also that He has a wonderful plan for MY life. So stinking amazing!!!
Well, these are some of my thoughts on comparison. I by no means have this all figured out, but all of this has been swirling in my mind these past few weeks and it really helps me to clear it all up by typing it out.
I hope you enjoyed reading! Now go compare my blog to someone else's and tell me which is better....JUST KIDDING! Haha :)
-Kam :)
